Stories That Heal

Hello Beautiful Readers!

Lately I've been experiencing a lot of changes in my life. Not bad changes, just life-adjusting changes. Loved Ones moving away, out-of-state, kinds of changes. Both were safety nets and life-boats for me. They still are, but with the new distance between us, I've had to quickly learn to become my own life-boat.

Becoming your own life-boat is a good thing. If the life-boat is your soul, and the oars, your newly found voice, then you truly become the Captain of your Soul.

As you learn to navigate the waters of your life, (without allowing or taking orders from others telling you what to do and when to do it), don't be surprised if you experience some turbulence. Your boat might start to rock; you might get bucket-loads of water splashed in your face. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it just may mean you have to hold on tighter to your oars. That's what I'm learning to do. As a very dear Friend recently advised me, "Embrace it!!"

When taking control of your life you need to develop a new mindset. It's important that you develop a respect for this Captain that you are now becoming. Trusting your navigational skills (i.e. your intuition), will help ensure you arrive at your destination safely.

Yes, I know, it's easier said than done. Navigating through uncharted waters takes courage, bravery, tied together with a sense of adventure. Do I possess all of these attributes? It all depends on who I'm traveling with. I'm learning to become both my Captain and my First Mate.

In the past few months, I found myself saying this a lot: "I've not been myself recently." And what makes it worse is that I'm apologizing for it. Why? Change can be a good thing. It means your growing, developing, evolving into something better. At least that is my hope for myself. It was through my recent journal writing that I discovered why I've not felt like myself lately. It's because I have changed. I found my voice. I've been using my voice. I'm still in the process of "fine-tuning my voice". Right now, my voice is sharp. I'd like it to be confident with a taste of honey. The reason why I feel unsettled within myself is because I'm in a state of transformation. It feels unnatural to me because I've never taken control of my life before. I've always let other voices take the lead, navigate my boat. As I mentioned before when I asked myself: "What happens to me when those other voices are no longer around? Then what do I do?" I can tell you this, when you overcome your fear and do something you've never done before without hesitation and with complete confidence, you feel so empowered, so strong inside. It's an incredible feeling. I try to go back and relive that moment when I first experienced this feeling whenever a big wave slams into my life-boat and a flood of insecurity washes over me.

Feelings of empowerment comes in waves and with each wave you become stronger and stronger. I'm not who I used to be and I've not yet reached who I am becoming. Beautiful Readers I hope this resonates with you too. Perhaps you are also in a state of transformation.

It's the same with feelings of uncertainty. You just need to hang on to your oars, the dark clouds of doubt will pass. If you relive even just one incredible moment in time you will be able to summon up all the strength you have inside you and begin the journey upstream. Salmon do it — so can you! I believe you have what it takes to achieve your heart's desire. I believe in you.

May you trust your wings and fly! — Raymona

Hello Beautiful Readers:

A journey starts with a single step. One idea that inspires you, followed by one action step. That's how I discovered my voice. Or rather, it was the first time I began to ask myself why my voice had less value than others. I started to get all punchy. I deserved to be heard just as much as anyone else. I have rights. I have a right to take up space. People can wait for me in the grocery line. I had to wait for others before it was my turn. I don't have to panic. I don't have to hurry. I still battle this at times. I was angry with myself for allowing this to continue for as long as it did. I was lashing out internally, but the lashes were a result of the battle I have been facing within, all my adult life. Thankfully, I've laid the sword down. The battle is over. I'm no longer at war with myself. I am slowly, day by day, healing, growing, learning, regaining inner strength.

What's different with this thought pattern now, is that I became aware that I was placing all the blame on others though I did not know it. Until recently, it never occurred to me that I played a role in this scenario. They may have not valued my opinion or thoughts, but then neither did I. I had to take responsibility for that one, as it was a truth. With this new knowledge, I decided to stop berating myself at every turn. I decided to start showing a little more kindness to myself. I decided that I would start to place value on my opinions even if others didn't. It was an important first step for me and I'm glad I did. It has begun to make a positive difference in my life.

I grew tired of placing value on everyone's thoughts over mine. It's not that I didn't listen to or respect what others had to say to me, it's when their words diminished my own thoughts and ideas, that I felt small, insignificant and made to feel stupid. It was weighing my soul down.

In listening to others, my first reaction was to immediately discount any ideas I had. I wish I knew why. It's all a learning process. It's something I work on daily and with every interaction I have with people. Whenever I discarded my own thoughts or ideas over others, I kept shrinking until I felt I was nothing. Old childhood self-talk resurfaced and took control. These negative thoughts kept digging myself deeper and deeper into a dark hole that I couldn't crawl out of in spite of listening to as many motivational messages I could find.

I was recently asked by a dear friend of mine, "when did you lose your voice?" I've given it a lot of thought. My answer, as I have come to realize, is that it depends on who I am with. If it's a friend that I love and respect, my voice stands strong or stronger because I know I have their support. With a trusted friend, my voice is not lost. If I love you, but feel your forceful energy, feel that your strong personality wants to dictate or override any thoughts I may have, then I tend to surrender. I fall back into that mode of pleasing people. It's disempowering. It's not a fun place to be.

I kept searching for the answers outside of me. But the treasure was not there, it was inside all along. (Side Note: I highly recommend you read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho).

That's where inner conflict started battling with my soul. The battle became more and more intense. The more I placed value on other's voices over valuing anything I thought, the worse I felt.

Then it hit me. The voices I've been listening to may one day be gone. Then, what will I do? How will I survive? I am stuck with myself and will be for all of eternity, so I better start making peace with myself now. I better start placing some measure of value, however small, on my own thoughts, ideas, words. This became my first step. It became the first realization that my voice may have some value in this world. I, in fact, do matter. These thoughts and more, became like a ray of sunlight shining down upon me. It was soul-soothing, healing. For the first time in my life, I befriended myself.

Since then, I've been striving to honor my voice one thought at a time. Since then, slowly, I've begun to crawl out of the hole I dug for myself. It's a step by step, one day at a time journey. It's a choice I have to make with every conversation I have. It takes self-awareness and effort.

The wonderful thing Beautiful Readers is that I started to like myself again. I started to feel stronger, more empowered, more in control of my life. I feel valued. Not necessarily by the other voices, but I began to place value on me. I began to start trusting myself and believing in myself.

When your inner core's first instinct is to please and appease everyone but yourself, let that be a warning sign for you. It's not a healthy space you want to be in. It can do a lot of inner soul damage. That's one reason why saying the word "Stop!" worked so well for me. It took others by surprise.

The moment I stood up for myself the stronger I became. Step by step, forging ahead, I am winning the inner battle within myself. By standing your ground, you can too.

May you trust your wings and fly! — Raymona

Hello Beautiful Readers:

Once upon a time, long, long ago, having a white picket fence around your home symbolized "The American Dream". Through hard work, we were told, it was possible to have a comfortable life. The fence offered a measure of protection; something that would keep your loved ones safe and keep the bad out. Over time, the once perfect white fence grew taller, stronger, more ominous; turning the image of prosperity and achievement into a warning sign. A tall, metal structure surrounding a home now, is a sign that the neighborhood is dangerous. Beware…

We place so much emphasis on the safety of our home, but do we ever think about putting up mental and emotional boundaries for our heart and soul? Imagine how safe we would feel if we did. I'm not saying not to trust others, but rather, don't allow others to trespass. I'm a very trusting soul. I trust most everyone I meet from day one, until I experience something that tells me otherwise. I trust until their actions cause me harm.

I've learned that I can't change the actions of others. I always thought that if I was kind enough, loving enough, something in them would change their opinion of me. It seldom worked the way I hoped it would. I can't tell you how many times I allowed others to toss their "trash" over my fence and into my yard: "heart". Over time, I had a huge problem on my hands. Tossing the trash back is not the answer. While it may feel a relief of built-up pressure, it will not remove the stain the trash leaves on my hands.

Beautiful Readers, I'll offer you an example. Someone once asked me a question, when I replied, my answer was not received well. Instead, the person lashed out at me, twisted my words, and began to instigate an argument. In the past, I would have apologized and turned myself inside-out and upside-down to please the person. But since finding my voice, I changed the way I handle such situations.

I started to set up boundaries, parameters if you will, to protect myself. One day I decided that I would not allow others, even the closest ones, to disrespect me. The good news is that I discovered it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I did not wish to engage in an argument with anyone so I tried something I've never done before. To my surprise it only took one word to make a difference. It's so simple, yet it had such a profound effect. When someone begins to toss their trash in your direction, say: Stop! It's one tool in my toolbox that has been extremely helpful. I highly recommend you try it. Protect your heart and soul. It is precious. It is unique. It is your lifeline.

May you trust your wings and fly! — Raymona

I'm fine, if you are okay. How many times have we said that to ourselves or to loved ones and believed it to be true? I heard it constantly from my mother as I was growing up. When I found myself saying the same thing, and realized it wasn't true, I stopped saying I was fine unless I truly was fine.

As a people-pleaser, I spent my whole life turning myself inside-out to accommodate those I loved. I never wanted conflict or to do anything that would disturb their peace. I swallowed my feelings even if they were choking me. You know that feeling well, I'm sure. The lump in your throat, the tight knots or rock that just hit the bottom of your stomach. That my friend is a form of suppressed anger. It's a silent killer. It not only kills joy but has a negative effect on every cell in your body, which in turn can, over time, cause damage to your organs. Everything is connected.

Only recently have I allowed, yes allowed, my voice to be heard. I knew I had one, it's just very few felt it was worth listening to. Even I questioned its value. Call it a gift from mother nature, but there is a form of magic that manifests itself after menopause. One day you suddenly wake up and think to yourself "I deserve to be heard. I have a right to express my feelings. I have value. It's okay for me to take up space on this planet." I gave myself permission to express myself and refused to be silenced. When you reach this point, you begin the slow process of reclaiming your life. Perhaps even decide to create a new one.

Once you speak up for yourself, even if it's as small as thinking "the dishes will wait for me, they're not going anywhere. I'm going to sit and enjoy my cup of coffee while it's hot. Thank you." This is a great, big, HUGE beginning. And when you reach this first step, be proud of yourself! It gets better from here with each step forward. Oh, I will kid you not, there will still be bumps in the road, detours, perhaps lots of tears, but you will be able to pull yourself up and out of the hole you once were stuck in easier and quicker than before.

You may wonder how anger fits into this picture. It's because once you're empowered, your tolerance level is shorter. The core of your being will no longer allow you to remain silent. You will feel entitled to express your feelings and you will express them strongly. To those around you, it may come across as anger simply because you've been quiet and accommodating for so long. Others may react towards this new version of you — that's okay. Let them.

Like an instrument that hasn't been played in a long time, it simply needs to be tuned.

Know also, that once you find your voice, it may not sound sweet like milk and honey. It may come across as harsh, sharp, "bitchy." That's okay too. Don't feel bad. During this time, you need to be gentle with yourself. It's important to remember that your voice may have been locked up inside for a long time, years, maybe even decades. Embrace this wonderful opportunity to craft your voice, polish it, refine it. Take full control of how and when you use it. The beautiful instrument that is your voice will enable you to finally bring forth all the wisdom within, so that when you speak, your voice will be heard, valued and appreciated. Maybe even sought after.

I wish you well. — Raymona

Hello Beautiful Readers!

I admire people who exercise regularly, watch what they eat. It's discipline in action. One way I monitor the level of self-control I have is by whether or not I can walk past a pretty, pink box of donuts laying on a table without taking one and returning for a second. Also, by how many hot, homemade cookies I can resist when I bake. It's not easy for me. It takes enormous self-control. It takes conscience awareness of my emotions in that moment, which affects my immediate actions.

For some this may not be a big deal, for me, this is where self-control begins. It is where my self-respect is born.

I have a tendency to talk to myself often. To "coach" myself through situations. When my self-talk is listened to and I follow through with a kind and encouraging voice, I gain a measure of respect for myself. So often we want others, and those closest to us, to show and have respect for us, yet we have little or no regard for our own thoughts and wishes.

How we respond in these situations is where our power lies. It's where you become the captain of your own soul.

Resisting sweets is just an example, but it can be anything that sets off a trigger in us. Anything that causes us to lose control of our emotions.

My reaction time is faster than the fastest gun in the west as in the old movies. Why? As a former people-pleaser it was how I eased the self-hatred I had of myself because I disappointed my loved one. It was also how I avoided conflict. Quick response = less pain. I don't recommend this. It offers little time to assess the situation and make wiser choices. You actually lose self-control. WOW! I never thought about it that way until just now. Thank you, Beautiful Readers!

When traveling by plane you will hear safety directives of the importance of placing the air-mask over your face before assisting others. The stronger my voice becomes, the more I am learning the wisdom behind tending to my needs first. It enables me to be of greater service to those I love most. Identifying my emotions, discovering their roots, moving forward with kindness, is laying a new foundation for me to take off and fly!

May you trust your wings and fly! — Raymona