Stories That Heal

Hello Beautiful Readers!

I admire people who exercise regularly, watch what they eat. It's discipline in action. One way I monitor the level of self-control I have is by whether or not I can walk past a pretty, pink box of donuts laying on a table without taking one and returning for a second. Also, by how many hot, homemade cookies I can resist when I bake. It's not easy for me. It takes enormous self-control. It takes conscience awareness of my emotions in that moment, which affects my immediate actions.

For some this may not be a big deal, for me, this is where self-control begins. It is where my self-respect is born.

I have a tendency to talk to myself often. To "coach" myself through situations. When my self-talk is listened to and I follow through with a kind and encouraging voice, I gain a measure of respect for myself. So often we want others, and those closest to us, to show and have respect for us, yet we have little or no regard for our own thoughts and wishes.

How we respond in these situations is where our power lies. It's where you become the captain of your own soul.

Resisting sweets is just an example, but it can be anything that sets off a trigger in us. Anything that causes us to lose control of our emotions.

My reaction time is faster than the fastest gun in the west as in the old movies. Why? As a former people-pleaser it was how I eased the self-hatred I had of myself because I disappointed my loved one. It was also how I avoided conflict. Quick response = less pain. I don't recommend this. It offers little time to assess the situation and make wiser choices. You actually lose self-control. WOW! I never thought about it that way until just now. Thank you, Beautiful Readers!

When traveling by plane you will hear safety directives of the importance of placing the air-mask over your face before assisting others. The stronger my voice becomes, the more I am learning the wisdom behind tending to my needs first. It enables me to be of greater service to those I love most. Identifying my emotions, discovering their roots, moving forward with kindness, is laying a new foundation for me to take off and fly!

May you trust your wings and fly! — Raymona

I'm fine, if you are okay. How many times have we said that to ourselves or to loved ones and believed it to be true? I heard it constantly from my mother as I was growing up. When I found myself saying the same thing, and realized it wasn't true, I stopped saying I was fine unless I truly was fine.

As a people-pleaser, I spent my whole life turning myself inside-out to accommodate those I loved. I never wanted conflict or to do anything that would disturb their peace. I swallowed my feelings even if they were choking me. You know that feeling well, I'm sure. The lump in your throat, the tight knots or rock that just hit the bottom of your stomach. That my friend is a form of suppressed anger. It's a silent killer. It not only kills joy but has a negative effect on every cell in your body, which in turn can, over time, cause damage to your organs. Everything is connected.

Only recently have I allowed, yes allowed, my voice to be heard. I knew I had one, it's just very few felt it was worth listening to. Even I questioned its value. Call it a gift from mother nature, but there is a form of magic that manifests itself after menopause. One day you suddenly wake up and think to yourself "I deserve to be heard. I have a right to express my feelings. I have value. It's okay for me to take up space on this planet." I gave myself permission to express myself and refused to be silenced. When you reach this point, you begin the slow process of reclaiming your life. Perhaps even decide to create a new one.

Once you speak up for yourself, even if it's as small as thinking "the dishes will wait for me, they're not going anywhere. I'm going to sit and enjoy my cup of coffee while it's hot. Thank you." This is a great, big, HUGE beginning. And when you reach this first step, be proud of yourself! It gets better from here with each step forward. Oh, I will kid you not, there will still be bumps in the road, detours, perhaps lots of tears, but you will be able to pull yourself up and out of the hole you once were stuck in easier and quicker than before.

You may wonder how anger fits into this picture. It's because once you're empowered, your tolerance level is shorter. The core of your being will no longer allow you to remain silent. You will feel entitled to express your feelings and you will express them strongly. To those around you, it may come across as anger simply because you've been quiet and accommodating for so long. Others may react towards this new version of you — that's okay. Let them.

Like an instrument that hasn't been played in a long time, it simply needs to be tuned.

Know also, that once you find your voice, it may not sound sweet like milk and honey. It may come across as harsh, sharp, "bitchy." That's okay too. Don't feel bad. During this time, you need to be gentle with yourself. It's important to remember that your voice may have been locked up inside for a long time, years, maybe even decades. Embrace this wonderful opportunity to craft your voice, polish it, refine it. Take full control of how and when you use it. The beautiful instrument that is your voice will enable you to finally bring forth all the wisdom within, so that when you speak, your voice will be heard, valued and appreciated. Maybe even sought after.

I wish you well. — Raymona